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Diet, Dieting
It’s Not What You East That Counts...
Spring is here, and many of us are fighting to shed those five pounds we picked up over the winter. Fortunately, there is a sensible way to avoid those excess calories that wreak havoc on the battle of the bulge. Simply follow these rules, which have been passed down by calorie counters through the generations:
- Anything eaten in small increments has no calories. If someone in your office brings in a box of cookies and you only nibble each time you pass by, you do not have to count those calories.
- Anything eaten standing up or off someone else’s plate does not count.
- Gulps count, sips don’t.
- Whatever you purchase from a street vendor has fewer calories than the same item consumed at home.
- The calories in hard candy or gum are too minuscule to bother with. Eat as much as you want.
- Whatever you eat that was prepared by your child (no matter how old the child) does not have calories.
- Neatness cancels calories. If you take an extra bit of cake to even off the slice, those calories do not exist. Ditto for evening off a pint of ice cream.
- Anything you cook yourself has reduced calories because of the huge amount of energy you expended preparing it. - Judith H. Dobrzynski in New York Times
Reader’s Digest, April, 1997, p. 146
Daily Exercise for the Non-Athletic
A calorie guide citing a recent medical association report: “Proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by dieting alone. Many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.”
Here’s the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.
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Beating around the bush |
75 |
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Jumping to conclusions |
100 |
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Climbing the walls |
150 |
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Swallowing your pride |
50 |
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Passing the buck. |
25 |
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Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight) |
50-300 |
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Dragging your heels |
100 |
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Pushing your luck |
250 |
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Making mountains out of molehills |
500 |
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Hitting the nail on the head. |
50 |
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Wading through paperwork |
300 |
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Bending over backwards. |
75 |
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Jumping on the bandwagon. |
200 |
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Running around in circles |
350 |
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Eating crow |
225 |
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Tooting your own horn |
25 |
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Adding fuel to the fire. |
150 |
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Opening a can of worms |
50 |
Source unknown
Stress Diet
- Breakfast—1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice whole-wheat bread, 8 ounces skim milk.
- Lunch—4 ounces broiled chicken breast, 1 cup steamed zucchini, 1 Oreo cookie, 1 cup herb tea.
- Mid afternoon Snack—Rest of the package or Oreo cookies, 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream, 1 jar hot fudge sauce.
- Dinner—2 loaves garlic bread, large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, 3 candy bars, entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
Source unknown
Diet Tips
- If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
- If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out.
- Calories don’t count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount.
- Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes toast, hot chocolate, and Sara Lee chocolate cake.
- If you fatten up everyone around you, you’ll look thinner.
- Snacks consumed at a movie do not count as they are part of the entertainment. For example: Mild Duds, popcorn with butter, red licorice and M&Ms.
- Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes a calorie leakage.
- Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
- Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life
There’s one thing to be said for a diet—it certainly does improve your appetite.
E. Wilson
Source unknown
Quotes
- Ever notice how people on a diet are never reduced to silence? G. S. Galbraith
- The problem with bucket seats is that everyone doesn’t have the same size bucket. - O. Smith
Source unknown
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