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Excuses
Roll Call
The commanding officer was furious when nine GIs who had been out on passes failed to show up for morning roll call. Not until 7 p.m. did the first man straggle in. “I’m sorry, sir,” the soldier explained, “but I had a date and lost track of time, and I missed the bus back. Being determined to get in on time, I hired a cab. Halfway here, the cab broke down. I went to a farmhouse and persuaded the farmer to sell me a horse. I was riding to camp when the animal fell over dead. I walked the last ten miles, and just got here.”
Though skeptical, the colonel let the young man off with a reprimand. However, after him, seven other stragglers in a row came in with the same story—had a date, missed the bus, hired a cab, bought a horse, etc. By the time the ninth man reported in, the colonel had grown weary of it. “Okay,” he growled, “now what happened to you?”
“Sir, I had this date and missed the bus back, so I hired a cab .”
“Wait!” the colonel screeched at him. “don’t tell me the cab broke down.”
“No, sir,” replied the soldier. “The cab didn’t break down. It was just that there were so many dead horses in the road, we had trouble getting through.”
Contributed by John F. King
Source unknown
Excuses for School Absences
After discussing how students must at least be competent in reading, writing, listening, analyzing and computing before they will be graduated from high school in 1978, one administrator contacted provided the following list. The excuses it contains were actually turned in by parents to one school district (outside of Tillamook County).
1. Dear school: Please ackuse John for bring absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33.
2. Chis has an acre in his side.
3. Mary could not come to school because she is bothered by very close veins.
4. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
5. I kept Billie Home because he had to go Christmas shopping because I didn’t know what size she wear.
6. Please exuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor.
7. My son is under the doctors care and should not take P.E. Please execute him.
8. Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a groing over.
9. Please exuse Ray Friday. He has lose vowels.
10. Please exuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.
11. Please exuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
12. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in his growing part.
13. My daughter was absent yesterday, because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marines.
14. Please exuse Dianne from Being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
15. Please exuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
Source unknown
Deion Sanders
Deion “Prime Time” Sanders, outfielder for the Atlanta Braves and cornerback for the Atlanta Falcons, is the only athlete to have hit a Major League home run and scored an NFL touchdown in the same week.
Sanders grew up on the mean streets of Fort Myers, Fla., where exposure to some would-be athletes spurred him to make a success of himself. He explains: “I call them Idas. ‘If I’da done this, I’d be making three million today .If I’da practiced a little harder, I’d be a superstar.’ They were as fast as me when they were kids, but instead of working for their dreams they chose drugs and a life of street corners.
When I was young, I had practice; my friends who didn’t went straight to the streets and never left. That moment after school is the moment we need to grab. We don’t need any more Idas.
Mike Lupica in Esquire
Daniel Webster
Lawyer and statesman Daniel Webster was a powerful orator who gave early evidence of his quick mind and way with words. One day Webster’s father, who was to be absent from home, left Daniel and his brother Ezekiel specific work instructions. But on his return he found the task still undone, and questioned his sons about their idleness.
“What have you been doing, Ezekiel?” he asked.
“Nothing, sir.”
“Well, Daniel, what have you been doing?”
“Helping Zeke, sir.”
Today in the Word, September 19, 1992
Ten Most Used Excuses
1. I forgot.
2. No one told me to go ahead.
3. I didn’t think it was that important.
4. Wait until the boss comes back and ask him.
5. I didn’t know you were in a hurry for it.
6. That’s the way we’ve always done it.
7. That’s not in my department.
8. How was I to know this was different?
9. I’m waiting for an O.K.
10. That’s his job—not mine.
Bits and Pieces, November, 1989, p. 18
Resources
- Swindoll, Starting Over, p. 32
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Quotes
- A poor workman always finds fault with his tools.
- Whoever wants to be judge of human nature should study people’s excuses. - Hebbel
Sources unknown
Flat Tires
Most flat tires occur Monday mornings and Friday afternoons, statistics show. Why these particular times?
Real flat tires? Or unverified reports of flat tires? All I know is Monday mornings are when most people don’t want to go in, and Friday afternoons are when most people don’t want to go back.
L. M Boyd
Source unknown
Apollo 13 Astronaut
John L. Swigert, Jr., the Apollo 13 astronaut who went to the moon in 1970, recalls how his job almost interfered with filing his federal income-tax forms:
“On the second day of Apollo 13, April 12, I asked Mission Control to begin work to get me an extension of the filing date for my income tax. Since I had been a last-minute substitution on the Apollo 13 flight, things had moved so fast that I didn’t have a chance to file my return.”
The IRS didn’t have to make a special ruling to grant Swigert a two-month extension because of his I’m-on-my-way-to-the-moon excuse, though. There was already a regulation that provided an automatic extension for anyone out of the country.
Clyde Haberman and Albin Krebs in New York Times
Honesty in America
A radio news series about honesty in America talked about excuses. The commentator said that people use three types of excuses when guilty of wrongdoing.
- The first is outright denial—a rejection of any involvement. Sometimes this is done even though the person is obviously guilty.
- The second is the “It’s not my fault” excuse. The person looks around for someone he can blame. (Often it is a loved one - a husband or wife or parent. Sometimes it’s the boss.)
- A third form of excuse is the “I did it, but “ approach. In this instance the person blames circumstances for his shortcoming. Either he’s been struggling with some illness or the assignment wasn’t clear or the car’s been giving him trouble.
Source unknown
Accident Reports
The following are actual quotes from accident reports submitted to various insurance companies by hapless policyholders:
- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
- I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
- The guy was all over the road; I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
AIDE Magazine
Auto Accident Explanations
According to a UPI news item, the Metropolitan Insurance Company received some unusual explanations for accidents from its automobile policyholders. The following are just few:
- “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.”
- “The other car collided with mine without warning me of its intention.”
- “I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.”
- “As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.”
- “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”
- “The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.”
- “The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.”
- “The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”
- “The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”
UPI News Item
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