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Politician
Two Candidates
A sidewalk interviewer asked a retired man what he thought of the two candidates for an election.
“When I look at them,” the retired man replied, “I’m thankful only one of them can get elected.”
Three men were arguing over which profession was the oldest. Said the surgeon: “The Bible says Eve was made by carving a rib out of Adam. I guess that makes mine the oldest profession.”
“Not at all,” said the engineer. “In six days the earth was created out of chaos—and that was an engineer’s job.”
Said the politician: “Yes, but who created the chaos?”
After giving what he considered a stirring, fact-filled campaign speech, the candidate looked out at this audience and confidently asked, “Now are there any questions?”
“Yes,” came a voice from the back of the room. “Who else is running?”
Source unknown
Brain Surgery
A fellow heard about an operation which would enable him to get a new brain. He went to the hospital where the surgery had been perfected and asked the doctors what was in stock. “Well,” they said, “here is an excellent engineer’s brain—a finely honed, precise bit of gray matter. It will cost you $500 an ounce.”
“What else?” the man wanted to know.
“This,” they told him, “Is a lawyer’s brain—a collection of shrewd, tricky little gray cells. It is $1000 an ounce.”
“Is that all you have?”
“No,” they said. “Here is a doctor’s brain, packed full of anatomical knowledge. It is $5000 an ounce.”
“I don’t know,” the fellow said. “Don’t you have anything else?”
The doctors looked at each other then motioned for the man to step over to a covered container. “This,” they said in hushed tones, “is a legislator’s brain. It costs $250,000 an ounce.”
“Wow!” exclaimed the fellow. “Why so expensive?”
“In the first place,” the doctors told him, “it is hardly used. In the second place, do you realize how many legislators you need to get an ounce of brains?”
Quoted by James Dent in Charleston, W.Va., Gazette
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