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Premarital Sexual Relations
Premarital Sex Interferes with Intimacy
Dr. Desmond Morris, well-known researcher and author, spent many years studying the institution of marriage and the factors that contribute to long-term intimacy. A relationship that fails to survive, he said, can usually be traced to the dating days when the bond between a man and a woman was inadequately cemented. And what interfered with the bond? It is likely to result from physical intimacy occurring too early in the relationship. Instead of taking the time to know each other—to talk and laugh and share lovers’ secrets—the couple engages in early sexual activity. Such familiarity interferes with intimacy and weakens the marital bond ever after.
It may be a stretch, but this understanding reminds me of my efforts to build model airplanes as a kid. My friends made wonderful planes out of balsa wood, but I could never get one finished. Why? Because I was too impatient to wait for the glue to dry. I just couldn’t keep my hands off the pieces long enough for them to congeal.
Romantic relationships that began with touching, kissing, fondling, and intercourse in the early dating days do damage to the bond. So if you want to enjoy an intimate friendship that will remain vibrant for a lifetime, the key is simple: Just keep your hands off one another until the glue dries.
Dr. James Dobson, Coming Home, Timeless Wisdom for Families, (Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton; 1998), pp. 36-37
Increases Odds of Divorce
A University of Wisconsin study found that those who cohabit before marriage increase their odds of divorce by 50 percent “Cohabitation is a cancer eating away at the center of marriage,” McManus writes. “Yet, have you ever heard a sermon on living together?”
Chuck Colson, reviewing Marriage Savers: Helping Your Friends and Family Stay Married, by Michael J. McManus, quoted in Christianity Today, Feb. 7, 1994, p. 58
Dating Oath
After reading 1 Thess. 4:3-8, 1 Cor. 6:18-20, Acts 24:16) In obedience to God’s command, I promise to protect your moral purity from this day until our honeymoon. Because I respect and honor you, I commit to build up the inner person of your heart rather than violate you. I pledge to show my love for you in ways that allow both of us to maintain a clear conscience before God and each other.
Source unknown
Living Together
People who live together before tying the knot are more apt to fail in marriage than couples who move in after exchanging vows, two sociologists say in a recent study.
The researchers said their findings contradict the idea, popular in the 1960s and 1970s when living together became more socially acceptable, that the experience would better prepare people for marriage and thus reduce divorce.
Professors William G. Axinn, of the University of Chicago, and Arland Thornton, of the University of Michigan, concluded that couples who live together are less committed to the institution of marriage and “cohabiting experiences significantly increase young people’s acceptance of divorce.”
Their study, published in the August edition of “Demography,” covered 867 families of mothers and their children interviewed over a period from 1962 to 1985. They say the link between living together and divorce runs both ways—increased divorce rates cause more people to choose non-marital relationships while cohabitation “may have a feedback effect” of increasing the acceptance and likelihood of divorce. Axinn and Thornton did not compare divorce rates in their study, but cited other studies that found couples who live together before marriage have divorce rates 50 to 100 percent higher than those who don’t.
The sociologists said young people who are committed to the institution of marriage, and who would be disappointed if they don’t marry, are more likely to marry without living together.
They also found that children of parents who are less positive about the joys of matrimony are more likely to move in before getting married.
Census Bureau figures showed that in 1990 there were 2.9 million unmarried couples living together, up 80 percent from 1980.
Spokesman Review, September 3, 1992, p. 1
Gallup Study
(Andrew) Greeley bases most of his unconventional conclusions on the results of the Love and Marriage Gallup study of 657 married couples, which was conducted in 1989-90 for Psychology Today. According to Greeley, this was the first “full-scale” national probability study of sexuality and fidelity in marriage. Many of the findings defy conventional wisdom and indicate that marriage in America is far healthier than we have been led to believe:
- The best predictor of whether or not a couple is happy together is joint prayer. The study found, for example, that couples from two-income families that pray together are less likely to consider divorce than single-income families that do not pray together.
- People who live together before marriage are less likely than those who did not cohabit to say their marriage is very happy. Those who have had premarital sex are also less prone to say their marriage is very happy.
Christianity Today, March 9, 1992, pp. 42-43
Statistics
- Couples who cohabited before marrying each other are 15 percent more likely to divorce than those who did not.
USA TODAY, Signs of the Times, September, 1992, p. 6
Practice Doesn’t Make Perfect
According to studies by the Barna Foundation and the Census Bureau, people who cohabitate before marriage—that’s half of all adults under the age of 30—are more likely than others to get divorced, and 60 percent of second marriages eventually split up. With that kind of failure rate, perhaps it’s time to stop practicing and get into the game for good. Marriage is for life.
Break Point with Charles Colson, Vol. 1, No. 6, August, 1991
Weaker Marriages
Couples who live together before marriage have weaker marriages, according to the Journal of Marriage and the Family. The magazine ran an article focusing on a study by researchers Alfred DeMars and Gerald Leslie. Their hypothesis was that couples who live together prior to marriage would be better adjusted and more satisfied with marriage. However, DeMars and Leslie discovered that those who had lived together before marriage scored lower on tests measuring communication in marriage than couples who did not cohabit. They also scored lower on tests rating satisfaction with their marriages, were less likely to stay in a marriage in troubled times, and had less satisfying marriages.
Confident Living, p. 39, May, 1987
Cohabiting Results
Do marriages last longer if the couple lives together first? No.
A recent study suggests that couples who live together are over 33 percent more likely to divorce. Unmarried couples who cohabit seem not to feel as “bound” by their vows later on.
What are the Chances, B. Siskin and J. Staller, 1989
Higher Divorce Rate
Couples who live together before marriage have a nearly 80% higher divorce rate than those who did not, and they seem to have less regard for the marriage institution, according to a survey of Swedish women conducted by Cambridge’s National Bureau of Economic Research. Swedes were chosen because they tend to precede American social trends by 10 to 15 years, said David Bloom, an economics professor at Columbia University and a co-worker on the study. About 2 million of the U.S. couples who are living together are unwed—about 4% of the total. In Sweden 12% of couples are unwed.
Sword of the Lord, 12-25-87
Teenage Marriage
Marriage for teenagers is fearfully dangerous. Statistics show that 50% of all marriages involving a teenager end in divorce within five years after the marriage occurs. Those who think they can beat the statistics are usually the ones who are fooled and hurt. 51% of those we asked about marriage said it should be postponed, at the very least until after graduation from college. Only 7% were in favor of planning for marriage while still in high school. More than 87% of the fellows who took part in the survey felt that a “good job” was essential for successful marriage.
Griffith Youth Research.
University of Wisconsin Study
Couples who live together prior to marriage are twice as likely to divorce within a decade as those who lived apart before marriage. That’s the result of a study of nearly 7000 couples by two University of Wisconsin sociologists. Many feel that living together is a good method for discovering insurmountable incompatibilities before marriage, said researcher Larry Bumpass. Although he once held that view, Bumpass now believes living together directly contributes to divorce. “The partners have less claim on each other,” he explained. “It may be that they form habits in such a period that when carried over into marriage, are not conducive to marital success.”
Focus on the Family, November, 1988
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