Speech

Coarse Jokes and Fowl Language

Josiah Wedgwood, English maker of the famous Wedgwood pottery, was showing a nobleman through his factory one day. One of Wedgwood’s employees, a young boy, was accompanying them. The nobleman was profane and vulgar. At first, the boy was shocked by his irreverence; then he became fascinated by the man’s coarse jokes and laughed at them.

Wedgwood was deeply distressed. At the conclusion of the tour, he showed the nobleman a vase of unique design. The man was charmed by its exquisite shape and rare beauty. As he reached for it, Mr. Wedgwood purposely let it fall to the floor. The nobleman uttered an angry oath and said, “I wanted that vase for my collection, and you have ruined it by your carelessness!” Wedgwood answered, “Sir, there are other ruined things more precious than a vase which can never be restored. You can never give back to that young man, who just left us, the reverence for sacred things which his parents have tried to teach him for years. You have undone their labor in less than half an hour!”

Morning Glory, Sept.-Oct., 1997, p. 32

Chicken Pie

In today’s text, the apostle Paul said that by helping our enemies we heap “coals of fire” on their heads. He certainly didn’t mean that this is a good way to hurt them—to get even. He meant that by using kindness we might secure their repentance, thus showing our sincere desire for their eternal good.

A Christian lady owned two prize chickens that got out of their run and busied themselves in the garden of an ill-tempered neighbor. The man caught the hens, wrung their necks, and threw them back over the fence. Naturally, the woman was upset, but she didn’t get angry and rush over and scream at him. Instead, she took the birds, dressed them out, and prepared two chicken pies. Then she delivered one of the freshly baked pies to the man who had killed her hens. She apologized for not being more careful about keeping her chickens in her own yard. Her children, expecting an angry scene, hid behind a bush to see the man’s face and hear what he’d say. But he was speechless! That chicken pie and apology filled him with a burning sense of shame. But she wasn’t trying to get even. Her motive in returning good for evil was to show her neighbor true Christian love, and maybe even bring about a change of heart. H.V.L., Our Daily Bread, April 15

Source unknown

Words Spoken in Haste

What dangerous fires of hatred are kindled by words spoken in haste! That’s why taking time to think about what we should say is so important. Restraint can bring peace to many an ugly situation, as is illustrated by this story: An old Englishman, known as Father Graham in his village, was greatly loved because of his positive influence. One day an angry young man who had just been badly insulted came to see Father Graham. As he explained the situation, he said he was on his way to demand an apology from the one who had wronged him. “My dear boy,” Father Graham said, “take a word of advice from an old man who loves peace. An insult is like mud; it will brush off better when it is dry. Wait a little, till he and you are both cool, and the problem will be easily solved. If you go now, you will only quarrel.” The young man heeded the wise advice, and soon he was able to go to the other person and resolve the issue.

How often the tongue pours fuel on a fire that would go out if left alone! Solomon said, “Do not be rash with your mouth,...let your words be few” (Eccl. 5:2). And hymn writer William Longstaff put it well when he wrote, “Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul; each thought and each motive beneath His control.”

Perhaps you have a problem with someone and have decided to “tell him off.” Why not wait? It’s easier to brush off mud when it’s dry. And pray for the one who offended you. It may dry the mud a little faster. -P.R.V.

Our Daily Bread, September 12

Last Yak

Next time you’re walking past a cemetery on a dark, eerie night and think you hear voices from the past, well. . . you may be right.

Graveyard ghosts? No, talking tombstones. This newfangled graveyard gizmo, known officially by its U. S. patent number 4169970, enables the departed to leave (prior to their departure, of course) up to a two-hour statement for posterity.

Developed by Stan Zelazny and Mike Opiela and marketed by a firm in Sunnyvale, California, the audio epitaph is embedded in the tombstone and is solar-powered. Cemetery survivors can therefore listen to the cadaver’s palaver again and again and again, providing it’s a sunny day.

Graveyard gabbers will find, however, that getting the last yak does not come cheap. The $10,000 price tag is rather stiff, but it will enable the entombment entrepreneurs to rest in peace . . . and prosperity.

C. L. , September 1981

How They Spoke to Their Horses

In an eyewitness report of the great Welsh revival of 1904, G. Campbell Morgan wrote, “The horses are terribly puzzled. A manager said to me. ‘The haulers are some of the very lowest. They have driven their horses by obscenity and kicks. Now they can hardly persuade the horses to start working, because there is no obscenity and no kicks.’” - D.J.D.

Our Daily Bread, September 26

Einstein Said, “I Have Nothing To Say”

Albert Einstein was invited to speak at a banquet held in his honor at Swarthmore College. Hundreds of people from all over the country crowded an auditorium to hear what he had to say. When it came time for him to speak, the greatest physicist walked to the lectern, solemnly looked around, and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sorry, but I have nothing to say.” Then he sat down. The audience was in shock. A few seconds later, Einstein got up, walked back to the podium, and spoke again. “In case I have something to say, I will come back and say it.” Six months later he wired the president of the college with the message: “Now I have something to say.” Another dinner was held, and Einstein made his speech.

Point Man, Steve Farrar, pp. 11-12

Sayings

Be sincere, be brief, be seated
If you haven’t struck oil in the first three minutes, stop boring!
Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening
Your speech need not be eternal to be immortal
Talk is cheap because the supply always exceeds the demand.
First law of public speaking: Nice guys finish fast.
When all is said and done, there’s a lot more said than done.
Because a woman’s vocal cords are shorter than a man’s, she can actually speak with less effort than he can. Shorter vocal cords not only cause a woman’s voice to be more highly pitched, but also require less air to become agitated, making it possible for her to talk more with less energy expended.

Sources unknown

Cliché Ridden Lectures

Several years ago a professor at the University of Pennsylvania was know for giving boring, cliché-ridden lectures. At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into his course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase. For example, “on the other hand” was a base hit; “by the same token” was a strikeout; “and so on” was a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students throughout the term played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball. On the last day of class, the impossible happened—the score was tied, the bases were loaded and the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly. Though deeply appreciative, the professor was quoted later as having wondered why only one-half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.

Louis De V. Day, Jr., in Pennomena, Reader’s Digest, April 1981

Aesop’s Story

Aesop, the ancient storyteller, told this fable: Once upon a time, a donkey found a lion’s skin. He tried it on, strutted around, and frightened many animals. Soon a fox came along, and the donkey tried to scare him, too. But the fox, hearing the donkey’s voice, said, “If you want to terrify me, you’ll have to disguise your bray.” Aesop’s moral: Clothes may disguise a fool, but his words will give him away.

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Preventive Tactics

Things you should never say once without thinking twice:

It’s no trouble at all.
I love dogs.
We have plenty of room.
Call me any time.
Is there anything I can do?
My husband is a doctor/lawyer/accountant.
I’ll try anything once.
Of course, bring the kids.
Why don’t you stay for dinner?
If worst comes to worst, you can use mine.
Don’t worry—there’s more where that came from.
Over my dead body, you will!

Hester Mundis, Powermom (Congdon & Weed)

Choice Thoughts

About the Tongue

Many a blunt word has a sharp edge.
Keep your words soft and sweet; You never know when you may have to eat them.

About Gossip

Gossip is like soap—mostly lye!
A gossip is just a fool with a keen sense of rumor.

About Profanity

Profanity is a public announcement of stupidity.
Swearing is a lax man’s way of trying to be emphatic.

About telling the Truth

A lie is a coward’s way of getting out of trouble.
Truth is as clear as a bell, but it isn’t always tolled.

About Boasting

When you sing your own praise, you always get the tune too high.
Don’t brag; it isn’t the whistle that pulls the train.

For in many things we stumble. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. James 3:2

Our Daily Bread

Quotes

The difference between a successful career and a mediocre one sometimes consists of leaving about four or five things a day unsaid. - Bits and Pieces, January, 1990, p. 15
A turtle lays thousands of eggs without anyone knowing, but when the hen lays an egg, the whole country is informed. - Malayan proverb
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant
If you don’t say it—they can’t repeat it. - Wilbur C. Munnecke, quoted by Ann Landers
Lou Gehrig was once hired by a breakfast-cereal company to promote a cereal named “Huskies,” but when the radio interviewer asked Lou what he attributed his strength and stamina to, he quickly answered, “Wheaties.”
It would be better to leave people wondering why you didn’t talk than why you did.
Blessed are they who have nothing to say, and who cannot be persuaded to say it. - James Russell Lowell
Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. - William Osler
If you don’t say anything, you won’t be called on to repeat it. - Calvin Coolidge
If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile-driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time—a tremendous whack! - Winston Churchill
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Anon
Sometimes the difference between a good speaker and a poor speaker is a comfortable nap. - O.A. Battista
I have never been hurt by anything I didn’t say. - Calvin Coolidge
If someone paid you ten cents for every kind word you said about people, and collected five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor? Henry N. Ferguson

Sources unknown

I Wish You Were My Little Girl

Recently, I heard a touching story which illustrates the power that words have to change a life—a power that lies right in the hands of those reading this article. Mary had grown up knowing that she was different from the other kids, and she hated it. She was born with a ceft palate and had to bear the jokes and stares of cruel children who teased her non-stop about her misshaped lip, crooked nose, and garbled speech. With all the teasing, Mary grew up hating the fact that she was “different.” She was convinced that no one, outside her family, could ever love her ... until she entered Mrs. Leonard’s class. Mrs. Leonard had a warm smile, a round face, and shiny brown hair. While everyone in her class liked her, Mary came to love Mrs. Leonard.

In the 1950’s, it was common for teachers to give their children an annual hearing test. However, in Mary’s case, in addition to her cleft palate, she was barely able to hear out of one ear. Determined not to let the other children have another “difference” to point out, she would cheat on the test each year. The “whisper test” was given by having a child walk to the classroom door, turn sideways, close one ear with a finger, and then repeat something which the teacher whispered. Mary turned her bad ear towards her teacher and pretended to cover her good ear. She knew that teachers would often say things like, “The sky is blue,” or “What color are your shoes?” But not on that day. Surely, God put seven words in Mrs. Leonard’s mouth that changed Mary’s life forever. When the “Whisper test” came, Mary heard the words: “I wish you were my little girl.”

Dads, I wish there was some way that I could communicate to you the incredible blessing which affirming words impart to children. I wish, too, that you could sit in my office, when I counsel, and hear the terrible damage that individuals received from not hearing affirming words—particularly affirming words from a father. While words from a godly teacher can melt a heart, words from a father can powerfully set the course of a life.

If affirming words were something rarely spoken in your home growing up, let me give you some tips on words and phrases that can brighten your own child’s eyes and life. These words are easy to say to any child who comes into your life.

Source unknown

Things to Say to Your Children

I’m proud of you,
Way to go,
Bingo ... you did it,
Magnificent,
I knew you could do it,
What a good helper,
You’re very special to me,
I trust you,
What a treasure,
Hurray for you,
Beautiful work,
You’re a real trooper,
Well done,
That’s so creative,
You make my day,
You’re a joy,
Give me a big hug,
You’re such a good listener,
You figured it out,
I love you,
You’re so responsible,
You remembered,
You’re the best,
You sure tried hard,
I’ve got to hand it to you,
I couldn’t be prouder of you,
You light up my day,
I’m praying for you,
You’re wonderful,
I’m behind you,
You’re so kind to your (brother/sister),
You’re God’s special gift,
I’m here for you.

John Trent, Ph.D., Vice President of Today’s Family, Men of Action, Winter 1993, p. 5

They Don’t Even Know How to Make a Rope

Kondraty Ryleyev was sentenced to be hanged for his part in an unsuccessful uprising against the Russian czar Nicholas I in December 1825. But the rope broke and Ryleyev, bruised and battered, fell to the ground, got up, and said, “In Russia they do not know how to do anything properly, not even how to make a rope.” An accident of this sort usually resulted in a pardon, so a messenger was sent to the czar to know his pleasure. Nicholas asked, “What did he say?” “sire, he said that in Russia they do not even know how to make a rope properly.” “Well, let the contrary be proved,” said the czar.

Today in the Word. March 13, 1993

Puritan and Quaker Argument

Unfortunately, that is not very often how it works. The accusatory rhetoric at the United Nations is not all that different in tone from the way Christians argue with each other. Here is an example from the seventeenth century, when the Puritans and the Quakers were engaged in angry debates:

The great Puritan preacher Richard Baxter wrote a pamphlet in which he lumped the Quakers with “drunkards, swearers, whoremongers, and sensual wretches” and other “miserable creatures.” And then—just in case he had not yet insulted them enough—he insisted that Quakers are no better than “Papists. “The Quaker leader James Naylor announced that he was compelled “by the Spirit of Jesus Christ” to respond to these harsh accusations. He proceeded to characterize his Puritan opponent as a “Serpent,” a “Liar,” and “Child of the Devil,” a “Cursed Hypocrite,” and a “Dumb Dog.”

This is strong stuff. What makes it especially sad is that the angry talk often makes it difficult to get to the real issues. The debate between the Puritans and the Quakers was actually a rather interesting and helpful one. Both parties engaged in some serious biblical exposition; if the heavy rhetoric were removed, the discussion could easily appear to have been a friendly argument between Christians who had some important things to talk about. But I doubt that either group heard the helpful things the other side was saying. Too much angry rhetoric was in the air.

Uncommon Decency, Richard J. Mouw, p

Misunderstanding

The Karankawa Indians, who used to inhabit the lower Gulf plains of Texas and Mexico, met their demise in the middle of the Texas Revolution in 1836. It seems that Captain Philip Dimmit, who owned a ranch north of present-day Corpus Christi, used to give the Karankawas beef whenever they were in the area. At the outbreak of the Revolution, however, Dimmit left his ranch to serve with the Texans. In Dimmit’s absence, the Indians rounded up a few cattle. As they ate the beef, a party of Mexican soldiers rode up and demanded to know what they were doing. “We are Captain Dimmit’s friends,” the Karankawas replied. When the Mexicans heard this they attacked, killing many and causing the rest to flee. The remaining Karankawas later met a party of Texans. Fearing another assault, the Indians began shouting, “Viva Mexico!” Immediately the Texans attacked, and only a few of the hapless Karankawas escaped.

Today in the Word August 30, 1992

Stengelsese

Casey Stengel was a longtime major league baseball manager whose unique way with the English language became known as “Stengelese.” He once said, “I’ve always heard that it couldn’t be done, but sometimes it don’t always work.” That’s typical Stengelese. Casey held a position on the board of directors for a California bank.

According to a story that originally appeared in the Wall Street Journal, Casey described his duties this way: “There ain’t nuthin’ to it. You go into the fancy meeting room and you just sit there and never open your yap. As long as you don’t say nuthin’ they don’t know whether you’re smart or dumb.”

Our Daily Bread, June 5, 1992

Time Spent Talking

Can it be that the average person spends one-fifth of his or her life talking? That’s what the statistics say. If all of our words were put into print, the result would be this: a single day’s words would fill a 50-page book, while in a year’s time the average person’s words would fill 132 books of 200 pages each! Among all those words there are bound to be some spoken in anger, carelessness, or haste.

Today in the Word, June 15, 1992

Winston Churchill’s Integrity

Winston Churchill exemplified integrity and respect in the face of opposition. During his last year in office, he attended an official ceremony. Several rows behind him two gentlemen began whispering. “That’s Winston Churchill.” “They say he is getting senile.” “They say he should step aside and leave the running of the nation to more dynamic and capable men.” When the ceremony was over, Churchill turned to the men and said, “Gentlemen, they also say he is deaf!”

Barbara Hatcher, Vital Speeches, March 1, 1987

Resource

Wake Up Calls, Ron Hutchcraft, Moody, 1990, p. 20

Woman’s Vocal Cords are Shorter

Because a woman’s vocal cords are shorter than a man’s she can actually speak with less effort than he can. Shorter vocal cords not only cause a woman’s voice to be more highly pitched, but also require less air to become agitated, making it possible for her to talk more with less energy expended.

Sparks, quoted in Homemade, Dec., 1984

Wise Old Owl

A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard,
Why can’t we all be like the wise old bird?

Source unknown

Opened Lincoln’s Coffin

In 1887 the coffin of Abraham Lincoln was pried open to determine if it contained his body. What makes that act so remarkable is the fact that Lincoln’s body had rested in that coffin for 22 years. Yet, even more amazing is that 14 years later a rumor circulated again that Lincoln’s coffin was actually empty. The furor so gripped the land that the only way to silence it was to dig up the coffin—again. This was done and the rumor silenced when a handful of witnesses viewed the lifeless body of Abraham Lincoln.

Today in the Word, February, 1991, p. 27

You Talk Too Much

Pianist Arthur Rubenstein, loquacious in eight languages, once told this story on himself: Some years ago he was assailed by a stubborn case of hoarseness. The newspapers were full of reports about smoking and cancer; so he decided to consult a throat specialist. “I searched his face for a clue during the 30-minute examination,” Rubenstein said, “but it was expressionless. He told me to come back the next day. I went home full of fears, and I didn’t sleep that night.” The next day there was another long examination and again an ominous silence. “Tell me,” the pianist exclaimed. “I can stand the truth. I’ve lived a full, rich life. What’s wrong with me?”

The physician said, “You talk too much.”

Bits and Pieces, January, 1990, p. 15

The Glib Speaker

Some people can overwhelm you with a dazzling vocabulary complete with the latest jargon and in-talk. The glib speaker may not know what he’s talking about...but it sounds so “right”! Take heart, you, too, can get into the act with your own instant overblown vocabulary. An “Instant Buzzword Generator” has been developed to give you an impressive lingo that’s bound to impress. Through use of this device, you simple select any word from each column below and use them in consecutive sequence. Thus 1, 4, 1 would be “total digital flexibility.” Sounds impressive, doesn’t it? Just think how your conversation will suddenly confuse everyone! People will conclude that because you’re incomprehensible, you’re profound.

Clip the “Instant Buzzword Generator” and keep it ready for use.

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Instant Buzzword Generator

Column 1

Column 2

Column 3

0. Integrated

0. Management

0. Options

1. Total

1. Organizational

1. Flexibility

2. Systematized

2. Monitored

2. Compatibility

3. Parallel

3. Reciprocal

3. Mobility

4. Functional

4. Digital

4. Programming

5. Responsive

5. Logic

5. Concept

6. Optical

6. Transitional

6. Time phase

7. Synchronized

7. Incremental

7. Projection

8. compatible

8. Third generation

8. Hardware

9. Balanced

9. Policy

9. Contingency

Source unknown

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